If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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