Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
