I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
