I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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