Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
