I heard we made out
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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