hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize