bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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