HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
