Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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