yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
