I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
