So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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