i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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