I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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