saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
