just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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