Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
