A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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