Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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