woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
