PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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