i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I supernannyed him into submission
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
