pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
