...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
