you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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