based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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