i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
