so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
