Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
