My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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