Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
