i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
