Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well you can't waste a boner
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
