She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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