Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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