walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
