38 yer olds are good kisserssss
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
