why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
