Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
