I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
