I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
