You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize