Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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