is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
