Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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