my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
