I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
