evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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