if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pour the whiskey from now on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
