Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
