I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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