loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
