I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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