There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Even my vagina gasped.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
