if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
