should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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