I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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