My first STD was from a foam party
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
