Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
