I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
