I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
