Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
